In a culture saturated with sex, with many self-proclaimed "experts"—from national media to schools— competing for teens’ attention, it’s easy to see how parents might feel inadequate when it comes to educating their kids about sexuality. Some have even relinquished that task to those "experts." One Western Kentucky school counselor, when asked if he had had many parent inquiries about his school’s sex ed program, said simply, "No. I guess they just expect us to take care of that."

Many parents, after seeing their kids roll their eyes at the onset of the old "birds and bees" talk, would probably report that they even saw a "No Vacancy" sign swinging from their kids’ ears as parents struggled through the uncomfortable subjects of physiology, chastity and responsibility. But believe it or not, kids are listening. Several studies, including a report by the Journal of the American Medical Association, have shown that when it comes to influencing teens about sexual involvement, it’s not peers, the media, or popular culture, that are the biggest influence; it’s parents.

According to the Study of Adolescent Sexual Activity, by Steve Small and Tom Luster, two of four predictors for early teen sex come from parents. The first indicator, parental acceptance of sexual activity, points to evidence that kids are more likely to refrain from sexual activity if they know their parents would disapprove. The second indicator, low parental monitoring or awareness, confirms what common sense already tells us—that it’s a good idea to keep tabs on where kids are, and what they’re doing. Other predictors include alcohol usage, and whether teens have a steady boyfriend or girlfriend, but these are also subjects that parents can weigh in on.

A survey conducted by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy in 2000 also showed that teens say parents have the greatest influence on their sexual decisions. Another 2000 survey found that 93 percent of teens say it’s important for society (including parents) to give teens a strong abstinence message, at least throughout the high school years.

Even more encouraging is that parental influence covers more than just talking about sexuality. The effects of parental influence carry over into other risk-taking behaviors as well. The National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health (the largest adolescent study ever conducted) revealed that it is the positive relationship between teens and their parents/families that deters kids from participating in negative activities.

Involvement with parents fulfills needs that some teens may try to fill with destructive relationships and behaviors. These behaviors can include everything from binge drinking, smoking, drug use, crime, and of course, sex. Teens who don’t get firm and honest messages from their parents are not receiving the clarity they seek on life-altering decisions.

With epidemic rates of STDs among young people, and the prevalence of teen pregnancy, perhaps the most dangerous "sin" parents can commit is one of omission--believing that they do not influence their kids’sexual decisions. Teens appreciate boundaries and guidance about what is appropriate and acceptable. Many are the accounts of teens who found themselves dealing with a pregnancy, an STD or emotional problems, voicing regret that their parents didn’t set boundaries or teach them to.

What all kids seek are open, honest, and loving relationships with their parents. Building strong communication helps parents to provide accurate, appropriate and meaningful information to their kids and allows both parents and teens to get to know each other and feel important and cared for. The key is to begin discussions openly, and provide age-appropriate information early on. If a child feels that his parents are honest, approachable, and informed, he will be more likely to seek them out when a relevant situation arises.