Sex Education - Family Style
From Kentucky Citizen Digest, Sept, 1998

When I was eight, the sixteen year old brother of a neighborhood friend (I’ll call him “Tom”), blurted out the “‘F’-word” — my first hearing.  I had a voracious appetite for new, untested, vocabulary words, so I demanded that he define his term, which he most certainly did!  I scurried home to consult the real expert: my mother!

I assume that ‘Tom’ got an ear full from my parents, and hopefully some small amount of trouble from his own folks.  Today, though, we would promote ‘Tom’ to the ranks of “peer educator”.

You see, we’ve gotten it all wrong when it comes to sex education.  We train armies of teenage peer educators to go into classrooms to talk to younger children about abstinence one day (and then contraception and other forms of “protection”).  Regardless of how well-prepared these teens are with the technical jargon of sex education, and with good presentation skills, they cannot possibly have the life experience necessary to effectively communicate this important information.  And they don’t have the track record, either.  In our community, it has not been unusual for peer educator to make the sudden leap to teen parent.  What a lesson in efficacy this must be to their former proteges.

We’ve also missed the mark in looking to schools and even to our churches (Lord bless all the youth pastors stuck with this task!) to teach our children about sexuality.  This subject simply does not lend itself to one “unit” in a health curriculum.  It is best taught in the context of a life-style that is modeled to us from day one by our own parents and family members.

Parents who want to communicate this information to their children are sometimes overly timid about the subject, and opt for giving their child a well-chosen book to read.  “Here, Sally, read this book, and if you have any questions about it, ask me when you finish.”  Then, that parent goes on to recommend the book highly to their own friends with adolescent children because “It must have been very thorough — Sally never had any questions!”  (I’ll let you think about that one for a moment.)

Back to my own “birds and bees” initiation. . . My mother spent what seemed like several hours that evening, discussing the mechanics of human reproduction.  She sketched some diagrams to show us what an ovary looks like. . . what a sperm looks like.  You get the picture.

But she told me much more than mechanics.  She talked about the spiritual side of the union between a man and a woman, the commitment that she and Daddy had made to each other, the enduring quality of the love between them.  These are things that peer educators and “how to” books can’t address very effectively.

When she talked about how she still got “goose bumps” when she saw my father enter a room, her testimony reconciled perfectly with the relationship they had modeled for us since our infancy — it looked pretty wonderful to me back then, just as it does now that they are in their 70’s!)

Not only was my lesson in “reproduction” preceded by years of modeling of a successful committed relationship, but it was followed by years of constant, age- and situation-appropriate dialogue, years of coming home from dates and plopping down on Mother and Daddy’s bed to tell them all about it, and years of coming to terms with the adult sexuality which was emerging in me as they talked with, prayed for, and encouraged me into adulthood.

If you are thinking about now, "this writer is so out of touch with what our young people are facing today", then let me assure you that I am in touch.  I realize that today our children face a sexual mine field of hazards: 1) nearly 50 diseases which are either specifically sexually transmitted, or at least associated with sexual intimacy; 2) socially cavalier attitudes toward sexual experimentation; and 3) a proliferation of visual media which flaunts hot-blooded sexuality at every turn.

Today, the most common cause of infertility has become multiple pelvic infections from an organism that is nearly pandemic in today’s sexually active teens.  Under these circumstances it is more important than ever for families to re-establish their role as the primary educator of their children in matters of sexuality.  There is absolutely no other way to guarantee that your values are communicated to your children.  And there is absolutely no better classroom for this instruction than the home (unless, of course, it’s the family car, since my children seem to invariably ask the really loaded questions while we are riding in the car!)

If you, as a parent find this a particularly difficult topic, instead of giving your child a good book, or sending him to the pastor, read that book yourself, or make a personal visit to your youth pastor.  Tell them you want some help in talking with your own child about these issues.  After he gets over the shock, my guess is that you’ll receive their enthusiastic support and encouragement – and I guarantee you won’t regret one minute you’ve invested!
 

Key Family Foundation Contacts: Kent Ostrander, Executive Director Martin Cothran, Senior Associate Policy Analyst